Five Most Effective Ways to Keep Children Out of Your School Library

1. Keep the best books locked away in a cupboard, especially the ones that are likely to make children laugh. Laughter in the library is more dangerous than it appears to be.

2. Choose books for children every single time. Don’t dare allow them to make their own selections.

3. The school library needs to be a genuinely child-unfriendly space. Let in very little sunlight and keep the walls as bare as possible. Children are drawn to bright and colourful spaces, so don’t ever make the mistake of creating an inviting space. Imagine the horror of children flocking to the library!

4. The best librarians are stern and unfriendly souls. This way, children are hesitant to approach them and avoid making conversation. Bliss.

5. Reading must always be graded. Frequent tests must be conducted in the library to assess children’s reading skills. Why would we want children to read for pleasure alone? That’s utter nonsense!

(Note: The image used in this post is from ‘The Librarian From the Black Lagoon’ and has been illustrated by Jared Lee.)

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